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The Passionate Speaker
"Power is of two kinds. One is obtained by the fear of punishment and the other by acts of love. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent than the one derived from fear of punishment."
- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)A Newsletter for Speakers By Michael Landrum October, 2004 – Number 67 Creating Rapport The objective of most communication should be creating rapport. Unfortunately that is seldom the case. Too many speakers feel their task is to force the listener into agreement, persuade them with zigabytes of information, overwhelm them with logic and close the sale with a tricky maneuver or two. These tactics usually fail. The problem arises when we learn, as children, rule one of the social version of Simon Says: "Whoever talks most, wins." Parents always win because they assume the right to speak and to tell us to shut up. Likewise teachers, preachers, cops, judges, bosses, and all too often, spouses. The mouth is the original portal of authority. The goal is obedience, not rapport. Speakers who seek rapport are interested in creating a long-term relationship with their listeners. They hope to influence and are willing to be influenced. They understand the power of listening as well as speaking. The word 'rapport' is from the old French combination of 're,' to return, and 'portere' to carry. So when empathy and good feelings are carried to a person they are returned in kind. This is the relationship every performer wants to achieve with an audience. Here are five tips for better rapport. 1. Pause. Remember that a speech, like any communication, is really a dialog. Take responsibility for the reception as well as the transmission. Pause and receive the many signals that any audience will send back to you. 2. Read the audience. Laughter, applause, nodding heads, facial expressions, body language and those subtle but powerful feelings that any group of people can emit - these are all signs and messages for you to pick up and react to. 3. Use simple, clear language. Express yourself in language that assures full understanding by everyone in your audience. Jargon, acronyms, obscure words and phrases are exclusionary and often the sign of a speaker who is showing off. Lead generously so that even the less knowledgeable can follow. 4. Be audible. Rapport cannot occur if they can't hear or understand you. Just as you give the audience your attention, your thoughts, feelings and insights, be sure you give them your voice. Some speak small, or slow or at a blistering pace, or in a monotone, or with an irritating pattern or mannerism that distracts the listener from the message. Most of these are small, solvable habits. 5. Connect emotionally. No one expects great, gushing emotion from a business speaker; leave that to the opera singers and actors - the "athletes of the heart." But the most direct way to achieve rapport is to open yourself to an audience, share a feeling - something authentic and deep. Tell them who you love, or how it feels to fail, or the power of your desire to succeed. Be vulnerable and they will align with you in a heartbeat. Rapport is a closed circuit, a feedback loop that energizes the speaker and the audience alike. It is the embodiment of the golden rule: Listen to others as you would have them listen to you. Why doesn't this happen naturally? Because we are frightened and feel powerless. We take an adversarial stance toward the audience and struggle to dominate them. It's been written that there are only two emotions - love and fear. When we are willing to embrace our fear and love the thing that scares us, we become a conduit of a powerful energy far greater than our own. ©2004 Michael F. Landrum |
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